What it means to be a Dominant Woman

I’m so bored of being told “You’re too nice to be a domme” by men, who have little understanding of the psychology of sexuality, or for that matter, women. | get this often enough to make me feel the need to address it.

Being a dominant woman is not the same thing as being a bitch, no matter how much society will have you believe it’s that way. Being assertive does not make you a bitch. Standing up for yourself does not make you a bitch. I have defined my own morals. I don’t need to compromise my beliefs to fit into your sexually immature, narrow minded ideals of what a Domme should be. I don’t have to shout and scream to prove myself to you. Whatever it is that you would feel if I called you a loser could never compare to the fear my subs feel if I go suddenly very quiet; like the stillness before a storm.

I will not let the mask eat the face, I will not let the persona become me. I can say please and thank you and still be a strong woman. If I thank you for doing something for me, it doesn’t mean that I am reliant on you. Saying please is not begging. If that’s what I believe is the right thing to do, try and stop me doing it.

If a woman feels she has to be perpetually shouting, rude or superior in order to be an alpha female, maybe she is trying too hard- maybe she has something to prove.

I don’t ever feel the need to prove myself to you. I do feel the need to be perpetually proving something to myself, in being good, sticking to my beliefs, not being bent and defined by societal expectations like I am, as a woman, every damn day.

If a strong, assertive, confident man comes to me to submit, I wouldn’t tell him he wasn’t weak enough to be a sub. Take your dick out of your hand for one moment and engage that brain.

Do not mistake my kindness for weakness.

I may not be the right Domme for you (and there are plenty out there who will be) but that is about you and your needs- do not try to make it a reflection on me.

If you want to see what a powerful woman I can be, try reprimanding me for thanking you for your message, or apologising for my slow response. Try telling me who or what I am.

Just be careful what you wish for, sweetheart.

– Adreena Angela